There are Obbygobulm and a girl. Her name is Sam. She know Obby because she went to go obby's world used magic button and she met him. One boy named Jojo. He didn't know who is obby??? He wanted to know, so She want to take Jojo and them friends to there. She pushed magic button.The doors slid back and everyone stepped out into a leafy glade. There are birds, sun, beautiful river and green. There is very shine each other. They could see a little green door set onto a rock. Suddenly Obby came our his house because he heard voice of somone. He wearing glasses so Sam understood Obby at once. They went to Obby's house. The house is very cute because there are many little chairs and table. They felt this house is comfortable and very lovely!!! Jojo and friends thought Obby was grympy??? They are afraid of Obby's face at first.
He made soup in his house just then so his glasses steamed up. He take mix in pan with big spoon. Obby begin took the soup divide each dish. He want to ate them soup made by Obby. They couldn't eat because the soup looks like tasteless. Jojo challenged eat the soup... The soup is safe!!!! The soup tasted chocolate! He and his friends are surprised. The soup was yummy!! Why the soup was taste good??? The soup's secret was Magic Toadstools. It is mushroom.
Suddenly, Obby scuttled to door and shut!! His face to be grim. Gong came his house!! Gong was very big bully!! Obby hastily took Sam and her friends ran for the magic buttm because it was very denger!! Obby reached in his paw and hit the buttun. The door was closed and his face was funny.
Sam thought Obby had in trouble and very worry. She had to go back but she can't...
Obby isn't grim. He is very kind and funny. I want to know Obby is all right??? I'm worry too!!!!
334words
1 件のコメント:
Hi Chisato,
It is hard to imagine that you wrote this post from memory, with the book closed, as I have suggested both in class and on the Studio Blog.
I'm afraid your post doesn't answer the questions or cover the main points suggested in Mr. T's Book Review Recipe (2008.06.11), which I pointed out again in a more recent post on the Writing Studio Blog.
In Comment Chops..., I suggested for one and all: "Rather than retelling the stories [that] you read, your writing should reflect your choices of books, your thinking about the books you choose (before and after reading them), whether you recommend them to your classmates and peers, and why" (2008.10.28).
By no means should you copy long passages from the books that you read and count it as your own writing. Any short passages that you quote need to have clear marking and accurate references.
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